Disclaimer: Standard Disclaimer!
Summary:
He will never come back so just deal with it and be done with it. I am here. I am the one who's here. Why can't you see me? I looked at him and said,
"'Cause you'll never be him."
Recap:
Chapter 1
"Anna, I want to cancel the engagement."
I drop the utensils I was holding. It fell right at the plate in front of me, making a clattering sound that made those nearby neighbors of our table look at us. "What?"
"I want to free you from this engagement. The shaman tournament is already finished and it will only take place 500 years from now. I won't be able to fulfill my promise to make you the shaman queen anymore." I want to say something. To tell him that it doesn't matter if I won't be a queen… I just need him. Only him… but it's like my voice is trapped inside me. And so he continued, "Aside from that, I want you to have a happy and fulfilling life with the man that you'll truly love."
I want to yell at him. To whack him several times to make him see through me that what he's saying is not what I want. But I did nothing. I am not that open to other people. I bent my head down, hiding my eyes from him, afraid to let him see how hurt I am. "Is that the only reason?" I asked, as if it does not affect me at all.
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Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
-Even Now
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Right Here Waiting
Chapter 2
"So, He finally left you?" Hao was up on a tree across where I was sitting. He jumped down effortlessly and approached me. "He, at long last, realized that he would never learn to love you and that he.."
"He did not say that he does not love me." or did he?
"Of course, my brother is a really kind-hearted person. He would never want to hurt someone else's feelings. So maybe, he decided to come up with excuses..." he sat down beside me leaving a small space.
"I don't care. He does or he does not I don't care."
"Are you going to wait for him?"
I pondered the question for a moment. Should I? Should I wait for him? Or would I be just a fool to do so? But as much as I would like to say no, I would not. My heart says otherwise and so it came out, "Yes, I would."
**********
"Are they not back yet? Why are they so late?" It's already half past eleven and still no Yoh nor Anna can be seen at the Inn.
"Maybe, they decided to go and get married already." Pirika said, giggling to herself. They were still waiting for them to arrive but since it's already so late they decided to just abandon the thought of waiting for them.
"Come on. Lock the door." Ren did what he was told to do, grumbling and muttering to himself.
"You're saying something Ren-kun?" Pirika asked sweetly.
"No, I did not say anything." putting the key roughly in her hands and walked off. "Why would I even say anything, tch."
All of them followed suit and merrily talked about what could have halt the arrival of the couple. They were just about to go and leave when they saw Anna down the road, but no Yoh in sight.
“Anna!” Pirika waved happily at her, but the itako ignored her and continued to walk as if not seeing anyone. “Ann-,”
“Shut up,” muttered Ren under his breath. He might have felt that something is wrong. As much as they wanted to ask Anna where Yoh is, they decided not to.
Whatever happened between the two, surely Yoh would not do something foolish to hurt her.
He would not…
**********
Three months more. Three months more and it'll be a year after Yoh had left. Everyone had been so kind to still go here and give me company even if they are not really my close friends.
Who am I kidding? I don't really have any friends. Who would want to be friends with me? Cold and harsh as I am.
I should've gone back to Ozoresan. I should've left this Inn. It's his. I don't own a thing here. All the things here are either his or his family's. So if ever I would want to go back to where I came from, it will be really easy for me for don’t have to bring anything with me.
Just me, my worn out clothes. And my broken heart.
So, you ask me why I am still here?
Simple. I am still hoping. Still hoping that he'll be back and that he'd say he never meant anything he said. That he still wanted to be with me. That he would make sure I’d love him in return.
But it has been almost a year. Nine painful months to be exact, yet we have not heard anything from him at all. Not even a simple ‘Hi!-It's-Yoh.-I-am-still-alive' post card.
He must have been enjoying his life now that he totally forgot about everyone. I want to ask his friends if Yoh had sent any letters to them. But my pride halted me.
I don't want them to know that I am still waiting for him. That I have not gotten over him yet.
How pitiful. That's what you get for falling in love, Kyouyama. You know that he'd never love you back. It's just a simple agreement. To him, it's just an arranged marriage. You should have seen it coming. You should have not let your heart be swayed.
You were doing so great! Blocking everyone, not letting them inside the wall you created. But then, you decided to let him crack a small part of it and let him in. Now he's gone, you don't know how to put the wall back its place, with one part missing.
I have never felt so vulnerable and miserable in my whole life. He managed to change me, yet he left me.
"Miss Anna, do you want to come down and eat with us?" Tamao asked through the closed doors. They never left me. And I am grateful.
But even though it had been nine months already, I can't still let them see how much I am suffering. I usually ask them to just do what they want and never mind me. I would yell at them and tell them that I'd eat whenever I want to. I'd scream and tell them to go away.
But they never did. And I don't know why. Do they pity me?
I never told them what happened between me and Yoh that fateful night. Even now, I still feel like crying all day long, wanting to shut myself, lock myself away from everything. Maybe, I am already. The way I am acting right now towards Tamao and the others. I don’t have the strength to tell them of our situation. But I think they already know.
They did not ask me though.
After reflecting the happenings these past nine months, maybe I should start to get a life once again. Maybe, I should give them credit for staying by my side even if I gave my all to push them away.
“Go ahead, I’m coming down.” Yes, nine months had already passed but here I am still brooding over my ex-fiancé. Nine months. It might look impossible for a person to shut himself away from the world in nine months. But it is not. To me it is not.
As I walked down and towards the kitchen, I can hear murmurs and whispers from everyone.
“She’s coming down?” Horo horo sounded so surprised. He must have thought that I would never accept their offer to eat with them.
“Hurry, we should make everything look presentable.” Pirika urged everyone to go to their seats and made sure that everyone was in their proper places.
“Do you think she’ll like the food?” It was Tamao. Typical. Worried about what would please me and what would not.
“Could you just sit all of you?! You’re making my head ache! She’s just going to eat with us! Why are you all making so much fuss about it?!” Ren… the others then answered him Ryu and chocolove, horo horo and Pirika but Tamao’s answer made me stop and wipe a single tear that escaped my eyes.
“You guys, this is the first time she agreed to come eat with us. You know how difficult it is for her to do so. She’d been avoiding us. Maybe she remembers him when she’s with us. Please let’s not fight over these trivial things. Miss Anna had been in so much pain, let us not add up to that and just help her get through. It’s been nine months…”
So they know… They all know what had happened. Did Yoh tell them? Did he call? Why dud not he talk to me?
I let a few minutes pass before I decided to go join them. Silence engulfed the room and I can feel everyone’s tension and I know they are secretly watching me.
“What’s this? Is this edible?” I asked, I want them to feel as ease, just like before it all happened.
“H-hai… Miss Anna.” I skewered a few strands of meat and put it on my bowl of rice.
“What are you all waiting for? Let’s eat.”
“Uh… yes!” Pirika tried to act natural and uttered a cheery ‘Itadakimasu’ for the food. Others followed suit. And started eating and enjoying the meal they prepared.
I know I had been so harsh on them but that’s just who I am. I am not Anna Kyouyama if I am anything but cold and harsh.
But having them here with me, all through out my suffering, all through out the painful days, I feel thankful. I am thankful to have them here.
I know deep inside that I am already considering them as my friends, no matter how much I deny it.
Friends. Yes, friends who stayed with me. Why did I even think no one wants to be my friend? They are enough evidence.
They stayed, unlike him.
*********
“Miss Anna, are you sure you don’t want us to go with you?” I have decided to go do the grocery shopping today.
“No, it’s fine.” I’ve always told Yoh not to be a bum and yet I have been just that these past months.
I am still not giving up on him. I will wait for him, but I am going to use my time in a much productive way. When he comes back, I don’t want him to think that I have been wasting my life, locked up in my room.
I am going to soak up more sunlight.
Ren Tao had the guts to tell me last night that I look ghastly. Well, I am not doing this because of what he had said. I will do it because I know Yoh would not want me to stay up in my room alone. He has always been the sociable and friendly one. I let out a heavy sigh.
Here I am again thinking of him. I have to clear my thoughts.
“I’ll go ahead.” My feet followed the usual road towards the city. It had already memorized the way. But instead of heading towards the Mart, I found myself drawn to the place where I usually go these past months. It has been my sanctuary. My fortress.
Whenever I don’t want anyone to see me cry or if I don’t want anyone to bother me, I stay at this place.
I sat at the riverbank, enjoying the sound of the flow of water and the chirping of the birds perched on the trees behind me. It was a peaceful place. It helps me reflect and clear the thoughts on my head and just enjoy the view.
But the best thing about this place is it reminds me of Yoh. It’s the usual place he would probably go to to avoid my trainings. He really likes slacking off. Maybe, it’s one of the reasons why he left me. No, he said that he wanted me to find my true love. He wanted me to experience it myself and not be tied to him just because of the engagement.
If I do that, would he comeback? Or not? Would he be happy if I am forever not going back with him? If I am going to marry someone else?
Marry someone else… I don’t even want to think about it. I can’t see a future with anyone else but him.
Where are you now Yoh?
Maybe he already married a beautiful, kind-hearted maiden. Someone who can’t be compared to you. A much more caring and loving person. A warm and happy girl not a cold ice maiden, my mind argued.
That could be possible, I thought. But I don’t want to believe it.
Where are you now Yoh? Have you forgotten everyone? Have you forgotten me?
****
Finally! Chapter 2’s up! >.<
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